Someone told me recently that 90 percent of people regret the first person they have sex with, but they figure now that they are no longer virgins, there’s no sense in stopping. But if you’re somebody who is severely bothered by regret, it would totally make sense if you made through high school a virgin. And college. And grad school. And, well, you get the picture. The next thing you know, you’re a in your late twenties who’s done everything except have real life adult sex.
Don’t downplay your V-card
You probably haven’t met the right person yet, or you always got nervous and copped out, or maybe it was a combination of these things and him not having a condom, or right when you were about to have adult sex, somebody set the house on fire.
However, it really doesn’t matter, and don’t attempt to pass it off as circumstance. The fact is, you always had a choice, and you chose to wait. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it something other people should use as a standard for judgment. It’s just who you are, so be proud!
You’re sitting at a table in a bar with your girl friends when somebody regales everyone with a crazy sex position she tried the night before, and they you go, “Haha! Yeah, that. I do that ALL the time,” the whole time playing that scene of “The 40-Year Old Virgin” in your mind where Steve Carell go called out for remarking that a woman’s breast feels like a bag of sand. Is this really what you want?
You don’t have to tell everyone, but it would be good to tell your closest friends.
But at some point, you should stop listening to their advice
Sometimes your guy friend who sleeps around would be like, “You’re missing out a lot! This is the hottest time we will ever gonna be,” and then your girl friends go,”Urm, it’s not really that much of a big deal, so just do it with a random guy you meet at a bar. The conflicting points will eventually become overwhelming, at which point you have to be like, “Shut the fuck up, everyone.”
Wait a little bit before telling the person you’re dating, but tell him nonetheless.
So if you’re considering not telling him and just lie there, that is one big mistake. He won’t know if he has to hold back physically the first time, and if he eventually figures it out, he might feel deceived. A lie of omission is not exactly a good way to start a relationship.
If everything seems to be going well, you could casually mention on the third or fourth date that you’ve never done it before. If he stays, he’s a keeper. But if he bails, he’s a dick. Forget him.
Author: erin mitchell